Claudia Cogan Refused to Sleep With Me

Claudia Cogan turned me down when I hit on her.  We’ve been friends ever since.

If you know Claudia, then you know she’s gay. I didn’t catch that when I first met her at a comedy show in New York. We saw each other perform.  I liked her jokes, and I guess she liked mine.

We chatted after the show was finished and protected each other from awkward conversations in the bar area. Then, I asked her out. Perhaps it was my fault for not saying explicitly that I was asking her out on a hetero date; ya know like people do. Or, maybe it was her fault for not throwing up prominent lesbian signs; like driving a purple pick-up truck. The point is that she said yes and I thought I was going on a date.

We met a few days later and had a bite to eat at an Italian restaurant. We split the bill because it was a modern date I thought or because “Why wouldn’t you?” is what her thinking was I’m sure.

After dinner I suggested we go for a walk. Finally, it dawned on Claudia that she and I had different ideas about how the night should end.

“Victor. Do you know I’m gay?”

“What?” I’d heard her clearly. It was more of a vaudevillian ‘what.’

“You didn’t know I was gay?”

“No…” I was both crestfallen and boner-killed. “Well, we can still hang out and be friends.”

“… Sure.” I didn’t see Claudia roll her eyes, but I felt them in my gut.

She was right to be skeptical. It makes no sense that we’re still besties like 15 years later.

I wuv U Claudia!